Sunday, June 2, 2013

End of an Era

When you lose a parent, you think that it will be the milestones that will make you sad - their birthday, the date they died, father's or mother's day - but this is not always the case, and especially not after the first year.

No - it is the things that remind you of being of child that make you grieve the most.  And it is hard to tell with that kind of grief what you are grieving for - your parents, your family, a simpler and more innocent time, your own childhood.  But it is a powerful emotion and it can be quite overwhelming at times.

It is my experience that people remember their childhoods in two distinct kinds of ways: they tend to over-romanticize them, everything was pretty much happy (save one or two things) or they tend to remember them  as worse than they were (and this is NOT to downplay any one who HAD a truly terrible childhood - I worked for children's services for awhile and I know how truly terrible it can be).  Fortunately for me, I fall into the former category; my childhood was not always easy, but I look back on it very fondly and feel fortunate that my temperament and my memories make that so.

What typically sets me off now about my parents being gone is catching a TV show from the 1960s and 1970s, and the death of someone from their era.

So the announcement of the death of Jean Stapleton yesterday made me feel a little weepy last night.

Jean Stapleton was a brilliant actress.

I know she had a wonderful stage career prior to the 1970s, but it was her seminal portrait of Edith Bunker that endeared her to millions.


Time magazine's website has a wonderful homage to this character, much better than I could write, but that's not what I wanted to talk about anyway.

Edith Bunker, and Jean Stapleton herself, looked like most of the mothers I knew in the early 1970s.  This was the time before the mothers did all they could to continue to look glamorous and young well into their 60s and 70s.  In the 1970s, all of the mothers I knew, including my own, had shorter haircuts and sensible shoes and house dresses.  They would not have considered donning blue jeans and long hair was for young children.

Now granted, I lived in a small town in a small part of the world,  I don't think the late 1960s came to NB until the mid to late 1970s!  But all that being said - we could relate to the Bunkers.  They looked like people we knew.  There were people like Archie, but it was the quiet Ediths that were changing the world and who loved their children enough to let them be dissidents and challenge authority and began to question authority themselves.  Much has been written about the young people of the 1960s and 1970s, but I often think of their mothers, who taught them to be the freethinkers that they were.

My mother and father loved All in the Family and in the days of 12 channels, we watched the show together as a family.  And I often think these shows had greater importance, since there was so few shows and everyone was pretty much watching the same thing.  So Norman Lear had a bully pulpit and he used it to educate through social satire.  And if you couldn't take your eyes off Archie, it was Edith who was the heart of the family.  In my family, my mother was the stronger character, though like Edith, she was more quickly able to adapt to the changing times and embrace those changes.  My dad was often Mr. Establishment early on, and struggled a bit with the social upheaval.  But their kids made them change, just as they were impacting my brother and sister and me along the way, imparting their values and social mores.

After All in the Family, Jean Stapleton continued to act for many years, appearing last in one of my favourite comfort movies You've Got Mail.

Kathleen & Birdie

She lived a good, long, and celebrated life - you can't ask for more than that.  But I will still miss her.  And I will miss my mother.  And 12 channels.  And yes, I know it is pure nostalgia, but I can't help it!

RIP Jean Stapleton - you were a heroine.

Have a happy Sunday.  I plan to weed today and maybe do some writing.  Stay safe out there

24 comments:

  1. You're so right. It's the small and often unexpected things than can trigger a flood of grief. Hugs to you. Xxx

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    1. Hi Ruth!

      It is funny, isn't it? Did you watch this show growing up or too early for you?

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    2. I've never seen it, Wendy. Either it wasn't on or it was before we got TV in our house.

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    3. So interesting - was absolutely ground zero for TV in the 1970s in North America

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  2. I had some of those same thoughts yesterday (and the theme song was playing through my head all day after I heard it on the radio). This was on in the days we had 3 or 4 channels, and you are right that everyone was watching the same thing then (if they were watching). Enjoy your Sunday!

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    1. Thanks Cate - can you imagine a world where everyone is watching the same thing now? I think that is why opening cermonies for Olympics, sporting events and things like the royal wedding seem especially special as you know so many others are watching, too!

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    2. That's true about the Olympics, it's fun to talk about the same things at the water cooler (or its equivalent). Lately the common things have been politics and that hardly ever makes for good general conversation, people feel so strongly about it. I loved having the Olympics on last summer. Things that bring people together are lacking these days. It's interesting that All in the Family would be seen as something like this when it covered quite a range of controversial topics.

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  3. I had a little pang when I saw that JS had died. I agree, 3 channels of prime time was a different family experience. Enjoy your gardening!

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    1. thanks Knityarns! I have been out all morning - just eating lunch after a long shower to get the grime out!

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  4. I have never seen this show! With so many cultural references to the show I'd like to see a few so I can understand!
    Good luck weeding, I need to get out in my garden today, I'm hoping I can get MrBP to do some of the work for me.

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    1. Barry is laying more brick stones around the beds, so I am keeping my mouth shut on more work than that! We were both out working this morning and our friendly neighbourhood skunk walked through the yard as calm as you please. We froze.

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    2. I would have totally panicked. We did very little gardening, MrBP disappeared to the office yesterday, I'm on my own with the weeding this year. No small task with all the rain we've had.
      I should get out there now but am procrastinating!

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  5. Thanks for this tribute to Jean Stapleton! It gives me a better idea of what those times where like and what my mother's generation went through. "All in the Family" was a bit before my time. I saw a rerun a few years ago and couldn't stand watching it for more than 10 minutes - the husband was such a boor and a bigot, I couldn't believe his wife and kids put up with him!

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    1. Hi Louise - it was fascinating to watch because it was satire. It was clear that Archie was the one who was the idiot and over the course of the show, you see him start to change with the times as well and let go of some of the bigotry he had grown up with. Quite fascinating really. I used to struggle with I Love Lucy for same reason - Lucy was just so subservient to Ricky. Then I started watching in the context of the times and enjoying the comedy and was much different for me!

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  6. "All in the Family" was based on a British sitcom called "Til Death Do Us Part." I never saw any of those episodes, wonder who played the "Edith" role there... Loved Edith, loved how her character developed and how she became stronger, often thought the other characters were just there so that she could shine by comparison.

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    1. Fred - I agree completely - was a fascinating evolution to watch! I never saw the British show - wonder if it was as popular?

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    2. Ah, I didn't know the show but know the one Fred is talking about,

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  7. Yes it is a huge momentous thing. I have never given birth but I think he passing of one's parent is a huge milestone. But psychologically speaking, therapists say it is actually a very simple notion why it is momentous. It's the most direct connection to our mortality. I took a stance like yours, is it this or is actually symbolic of that? I remember that actress as that show was on the telly but I was too young to watch it. But isn't it funny that even playing in front of the tv with her on brings back memories...

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  8. God, I will die when my mum passes, I'll probably have to be taken into a home.
    Hope the weeding went well, there has been sunlight here which is always a mood lifter.

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  9. Can't you still sing the theme? Edith's voice-- so funny. JS's real voice was of course soft and wonderful. I don't know if they could make that show now, do you?

    Much planting today. Waiting for our thunderstorm to come, so dramatic over the water. Sleep tight, meatheads.

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    1. the thunderstorm completely passed us by! My planting is pretty much done, have no moved on to the weeding, which is never ending around here!

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  10. I never got into All in the Family but remember the days of 12 channels and watching TV together as a family. I was just discussing something similar today with husby about how sports and even music now seem to emphasize individual talent rather than teamwork. We got quite philosophical over our morning coffee on the patio.

    We had a lovely day but sigh, must finish packing for yet another business trip.

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    1. it is funny, because all of the 21st century competencies for students in order to be successful in life involve teamwork and certainly where I worked, that was critical.

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  11. I know exactly what you mean WMM - ever since my mum died almost 5 years ago I have been extremely nostalgic for the 60s and 70s of my childhood, especially when well-known people from that time pass away. As mentioned above, this show was based on the British Till Death Us Do Part - the part of the son was played by Cherie Blair's father!

    I had to laugh at your 12 tv channels though - we had 4!!

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